esmaspäev, 30. aprill 2012

Koduse ema töö

A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog.
Walking in the door, he found ...an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall. In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel... She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?... ''Yes," was his incredulous reply.. She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'..

reede, 27. aprill 2012

Päeva avastus

Ma olin ära unustanud, KUI palju musti riideid suudab üks väike imik päeva jooksul produtseerida. Ning ma ei saa aru, kas Pampers on oma mähkmeid muutnud või milles asi, aga suur tibin kasutas neid algusest peale ilma eriliste lekkimise probleemideta, samas väike tibin on ligi 700 grammi raskem ja suuremate laadungite puhul lekivad pampersid ikka mõnuga. Ebaloogiline.

teisipäev, 24. aprill 2012

Rasedus läbi huumoriprisma


Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.

Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A. Childbirth.

Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?

Q. What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.

Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q. What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.

Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A. When you see teeth marks.

Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.

esmaspäev, 23. aprill 2012

Elus veel

Kallis abikaasa läks tööle tagasi ja ma olen täna esimest päeva kahe lapsega kodus. Hetkel on küll täitsa mõnus olla - väiksem põõnutab magada ja suurem mängib oma nukkude ja karvikutega. Eks ma tean, et päevad pole vennad ja iga päev ei saa nii mõnus olema, aga ma naudin kuniks seda jagub. Varsti pakin oma famiilia sisse ja lähme õue, siis tuleb suuremal lõunauni ja siis on plaan uuesti õue minna. Ja siis varsti tulebki kallis abikaasa töölt koju. Vahepeal tuleb lapsed sööta, õhtusöök teha ja kui eriti tubli olen, siis ka natuke suurema mänguasju kokku korjata.
Üldiselt on elu täitsa mõnus. Suurem tibin on küll peale väiksema tulekut muutunud jonnakamaks ja ei kuula enam eriti hästi sõna, riidesse panemine möödub tavaliselt veenmise, vaidlemise, pahandamise ja kaklemise saatel, aga seda oligi oodata, et tujutsemist hakkab rohkem olema. Tuleb lihtsalt vahepeal aeg maha võtta, kümme korda sügavalt sisse-välja hingata ja edasi elada. Sest tegelikult on need lapsed ikka niiiiii armsad. :)

laupäev, 14. aprill 2012

s***

Oi, kuidas tahaks kirjutada, et elu on lust ja lillepidu ja kõiki sellega kadedaks ajada... aga no päris nii jultunult valetada ma ka ei oska. Tegelikult on hetkel pigem elu nagu üks suur pasameri ja stress-masendus lööb pea kohal kokku. Õnneks pisitibiga on kõik korras, või noh... minust tulenevalt on natuke jamasid, aga kui mina jonksu saan, saab ka tema. Aga olla perest eemal, kuulda iga päev erinevat versiooni olukorra kohta ja nautida sinna juurde veel kogu raseduse, sünnituse ja imetamisega kaasnevat hormoonide keerist - see on tsiba üle minu taluvuspiiri. Vähemalt saab pisike koos minuga olla, üks mure vähem. Aga kogu see muretsemine ei mõju piimamajandusele üldse hästi.

Õnneks varsti tuleb mu kallis abikaasa koos vanema tibiga, see annab jõudu homseni vastu pidada. Homme loodetavasti saan juba koos nendega lifti astuda ja koju sõita...

reede, 13. aprill 2012

Helge hetk

Ma lihtsalt pean oma meest armastama, ta on nii armas. :) Eile tõi mulle shampooni asemel balsami ja unustas sussid maha. Täna tõi sussid, aga kuna meil on kodus kaks paari täpselt samasuguseid susse, siis ta suutis kaks vasaku jala sussi kaasa pakkida. Tegi mu mõru meele kohe mõnusalt lõbusaks. :)
Ta on mul ikka nii kallis...

I´m so crafty, I make people!

Kordamine pidavat tarkuse ema olema ja kuna esimene tibin kukkus meil nii hästi välja, siis proovisime veel üks kord. Eks näis, mis tulevik toob, aga igatahes 05.04 nägi ilmavalgust meie teine pisike piiga. Esimese nädala põhjal võiks suisa öelda, et kukkus kah hästi välja... Aga ma ei hakka igaks juhuks ära sõnuma. Kogemus õpetab... kiitsin oma kerget sünnitust ja siis sadas niuke jamade kuhi kaela, et jätkub suisa mitmeks kuuks. Nii et las ta siis on hetkel lihtsalt uus ja armas ning tulevikku vaatame tulevikus.

Aga seda ma küll pean ütlema, et EMOs ei peaks töötama arst/resident, kes pikki üle terve kõhu ulatuva linea negra kohta küsib, kas see on keisriarm...

esmaspäev, 2. aprill 2012